Saturday, February 25, 2017

Q&A - Part 2

Dreaming ahead...if your kids go to FUS which current household and/or dorm do you see them being in based on their present personalities?  
Who even knows what households are still around?
John: Disciples of the Word
Lily: Love of the Lamb (hands down - she has spunk, but such a sweet nature)
Thomas: Knights of the Holy Queen 
Andrew: AMDG

And what’s one thing you wished someone told you being home with the kids all day? 
How lonely the early years would be. How, even though I am introverted, I would become so desperate for an adult conversation.  Those early years are hard.  If I wasn’t dealing with my current set of issues, I would be looking at my job very differently.  
I loved the rhythm I was in before we heard the cancer was back.  I had some down time when all the kids were in school, some one-on-one time with the older two, and with the younger two, I was able to do a music class with the younger two, bake one day a week, visit with a friend or two on the phone or in person, and clean house (not as much as I wanted, of course). 
To sum up - how lonely it is in the beginning, but when some are school age, how that changes in a neat dynamic.




Have you been able to stabilize your weight and even start gaining again? And if not, why do you let David Garcia hog all the delicious food that I hear people are bringing you? 
No, weight is not stabilized.  I wish. I go down during chemo days, and try really hard to get it back up again after.  This new diet/ileostomy is really challenging to get used to.  I wish I could eat everything people brought over, but the diet is limited in strange ways that I haven’t taken the time to explain to everyone what that new diet looks like. 

Any special tips on preparing a firstborn for a newborn? Particularly when it comes to wanting to be carried...not thinking of anyone in particular. 
Ummmm….Survive.   Get your hands on my favorite book (which is pretty much my discipline post): Discipline for Life: Getting it Right with Children by Madelyn Swift.  This book was a life changing experience in my parenting and I have never stopped telling other parents about it because it is that amazing.  I mean it.  I will be saying it still on my death bed.  That’s how much I believe in this book.

Edited to add: I read A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot.  From that book, I started a spreadsheet that has multiple tabs that saved my life.  The tabs included our daily schedule, our weekly schedule, clip art charts of the kids routines, yearly goals, cleaning routine, dinner ideas, lunch ideas, food schedule, etc.  This was my life-saver.  It helped me plug everything in to spaces of my life.  I would look at it again before a life change - school starting, second semester, etc.  This is what enabled me to really get in a good routine when we started school.  This is what enabled me to bake about once a week!  I wanted to share that with you all.





Oh! What are your tips for keeping a marriage strong during such hardships as you have faced over the past year.
Marriage advice.  That’s always fun.  It’s the same when a marriage is healthy.  Thank you to Julie and Kirk Broom, our sponsor couple over 9 years ago taught us so much about what the challenges of marriage look like and how to face those challenges.  The one piece of information that I have carried with me over the years is actually two pieces that work together: vulnerability and communication.
Fight hard to learn HOW to communicate with your spouse.  I credit David for this one.  He worked tirelessly our early years of marriage to not only get me to say what was bugging me, but why it was bugging me.  Now because we have those skills in place, in these times of trial we can talk with each other clearly.
Vulnerability fits right inside of communication - like a diamond in your hand.   You can’t communicate with each other unless you are willing to be vulnerable with the other.  It doesn’t work.  If you let your guard down, and the other person RESPECTS that, you have mastered the greatest challenge of marriage.  Give yourself a pat on the back.
Edited to add: You must keep God at the center of EVERYTHING.  If not, why are you living?  Why are you even married?  He is the reason, and if you take him out of your marriage, you lose the core of it all.  

What spiritual discipline or prayer took your faith to the next level?
The Magnificat magazine.  Reading through the Church’s Liturgical year never disappoints.  I like the daily reflections, too.  David’s answer would be the Liturgy of the Hours.  He has such a love for the Psalms.

How have you developed your prayer life with David? Have you guys always prayed together or did it develop over the course of your marriage?
Honestly, we’re different.  We have different styles of praying, so in a lot of ways it’s never meshed together.  Lately, our prayer together is the Fr. Margil prayer, and anything else we add to it.  Sometimes we pray the chaplet together.  Sometimes the Rosary.  It varies.  It is never the same.  It just depend on the season of our life.  At the beginning of our marriage, I wanted that.  I wanted to be happily engaged in different types of prayer, but always together.  It never happened.  And over time, we learned, and we figured out what works for us and it’s different, and sometimes the same.




What's your favourite book to date? And why? 
I’m keeping Diana’s British spelling of the word because I like it.  My favorite book of all time.  Thank you Mrs. Lusby for introducing me to this book.  I have read it throughout different seasons of my life and I always walk away with a richer understanding of what life on this earth has to offer us.  It has taught me invaluable lessons regarding marriage and friendship as I watch this couple make choices I totally agree with or vehemently oppose.  It’s Wallace Stegner’s “Crossing to Safety”  It is the simple story of two couples and their friendship.  So plain, but so so rich.

What would you write a book about?  
I sat on this one for a while:
Stop Beating Yourself Up
Universal Mortification: The virtue most needed in our society today




Favorite obscure saint (if you have one)?
She’s not a saint yet, but one that I think of often.  She’s a Blessed.  Here’s a link to her story.  Google her and look at images.  Do you see her smile?  This woman was facing in some ways what I am facing.  Look at her unabashed joy.  What a witness of love and life.  Oh yes, her name: Blessed Chiara Corbella Petrillo



All the photos today are picked from me to show you how life looks with 4 kids.  It's crazy, and messy, and worth every moment.  The two on top are from Christmas this year.  The rest are entirely random. 

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Weaker, Stronger, Plumper

Our phones have started blowing up with questions about how Kate is doing today, so it must be time for an update.

Last night was rough.  Kate was very weak, and had a hard time walking even from the bed to the toilet.  The nurse this morning said that her labs came back with few deficiencies, including potassium and magnesium.  She mentioned that the doc is considering a blood transfusion later today or tomorrow.  If she decides to do that, Kate should get a burst of energy from it, so that would be great to see.

Fluids continue, as do antibiotics.  She's looking fuller now than she did yesterday thanks to all the fluids, and has more energy.  We're at the salon here at MDA right now as she gets the rest of her hair shaved off.

I gave her a 1/4 inch buzz at home on Sunday because it was thinning a lot, and we wanted the kids to be there to witness her hair changing that rapidly.  The remaining fuzz is uncomfortable under her chemo caps, so she wanted to come down and get the rest of it shaved.

I have to say - she has a good head for being shaved.  A few who know me very well know that my scalp is... well... topographical.  Hers is not.  Very smooth, and I'm sure you won't have any trouble believing that she's every bit as beautiful as the day I married her.

Anyway, that's the update today.  Thank you all for all your prayers.  Please continue them.  We love you all and are praying for each of you.


Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Here We Go Again

Well we're back in the hospital again.

The oncologists have always told us to come in to the ER right away if at any point during treatment Katie were to develop a fever of 100.3 or higher.  They drill it into you.  It's like their version of "Just Say No To Drugs!"

So, when Katie took her temperature at 11:30 last night and it came back 101.6, we packed up and came in.  We are so thankful for her parents living so close.  They came right over to spend the night with the kids.

Doctors think she is dehydrated and has an infection.  Her blood pressure is also low, even for her.  The infection is technically called sepsis, so that's kind of a scary word.  They're pumping her full of fluids a broad spectrum of antibiotics - lots of both.

The ER doc admitted her to the hospital last night and they put us in the old tower - the one that hasn't been updated with the nice rooms and comfy caregiver bed.  But this morning, the doc came in and informed us that we'll be transferring to her floor, which is in the new tower.  The rooms there feature bigger bathrooms, a better layout, newer tv, and a real twin murphy bed for me, so we're taking that as sign of God's presence and mercy.  Not even joking about that.

Please continue to pray for Kate - that the antibiotics are effective at beating the infection, and that her BP comes up with the fluids.  Please continue to ask for the intercession of Fr. Antonio Margil for Kate's healing from her immediate symptoms and from cancer.  Please ask our mother Mary for her intercession for Katie's pain, which has increased over the past week or so.  And please pray to St. Joseph for me - that I be the husband and father that Katie and the kids need me to be, and for my own special intention.



Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Q&A Part 1

I have loved answering these questions.  They've brought me so much joy, and I hope you enjoy the answers.  There were so many, I will post in two or three parts.  

Here's Part 1:

If you could travel anywhere, where would it be and why?  There’s a lot of people who read this blog who will think the way I do - 
Gaming, Austria and surrounding area.  It’s magical land filled with joy, wonder, amazing food, and everything that is lovely in life.

If you survive what are the 3 things you're looking forward to the most after life gets back to normal? If you die what are the 3 things you're looking forward to most once you get to heaven? 
1.  Watching the kids grow.
2.  Watching our marriage grow.
3.  Watching the kids grow.
4.  Eating all the salads!

After leaving purgatory, right?
1.  Beatific vision.
2.  Hugging everyone who I have prayed to throughout the course of my life.
3.  Seeing all of your babies that you have lost (we’ve been so fortunate to never have a miscarriage) and holding them and loving on them in this beautiful way for each of you who are waiting to see them again.

What's your favorite thing to do on a date?
Lame: Dinner and movie. I can’t beat a classic.  We decide not to talk about the kids and just enjoy each other.  It’s been way too long.  I also really enjoyed the shooting range.  With the noise gear, there's a lot of silence in between shooting.  I love the quiet.  It's a good time to work on discipline and repeating a simple process.  With parenting, sometimes it's nice to do something like that.

What is your favorite thing you have ever crocheted?
Each of my kiddy bugs blankets.  I loved that it gave me something to do with my hands before I had them.  I love that each of theirs is so different.  John’s was the first thing I had ever crocheted, and I’ve been hooked ever since.  I love a good pun.  The lighting is a little off - Lily's is yellow, Thomas's is the wavy one, Johns is blue, and Andrew's is white/off-white

 



What advice do you have for a family expecting their fourth child?
After baby comes, pick only one or two chores to do a day.  Don’t get overwhelmed by housework.  You know all the other stuff - have a stash of diapers, wipes, burp cloths, etc, always close by.  Your kids are older than mine at this point, so make sure they have their chores in place.  Be prepared to be at home for the next year.  At least that’s what it’s like for me.  I am terrible at getting out because I become a slave to baby’s schedule.  I’m so much happier when baby is on a schedule, that it’s worth it to be home more just so they can get their naps.

When I got home from the hospital after dealing with cancer stuff, I had a bell to alert my kids to do their special jobs that we worked on picking out together.  My kids LOVE when I ring the bell.  And they are so happy to do their special job.

Do you have a "bucket list”?
No.  David asked me about putting one together.  And immediately I thought, what more could I want?  I’ve lived my dream.  I married the man of my dreams and we built a family.  My bucket list is watching it unfold.  

When I hear these women and men talk about traveling and seeing the world before they settle down, I really question their motives.  I’ve lived what my heart was made for - that’s true freedom and true feminism.

What do you think about knowing that God has you on a see saw.😁 What is more important than anything in your life right now? (Claude says it's politics!)

See saw like hoping for a miracle/preparing for death?  I just do my best to go along for the ride.  You take such comfort in knowing that God’s will is the best, so you just hope for that.  

See saw like chemo one week on and off?  I love the non-chemo weeks!  I feel so much more normal.  These are the weeks I can pray the clearest, and then during chemo weeks, I just say I hurt, please refer to the prayers offered last week, God.

What is more important than anything?  That’s easy.  My faith and family.  It’s easy to simplify when life gets complicated like this.  Peoples priorities can get lost so easily.  Lately I'm really bugged by politics.  When people get so worked up about politics (I used to), I question their reasoning.  Politis schmolitics.  Have we lost sight of what’s going on right in front of us?  Our own homes and families?  Do we have peace in God’s plan above what is happening in our own nation?  Are we really so divided?  I don’t buy that rhetoric at all.  I just want you all to love!  :)

What was your favorite class and/or prof at FUS and why?
English freshman year.  I credited out of basic freshman English and landed myself in a 200 level course with a female professor.  I can’t remember her name now.  I remember having such a love for literature that’s still lasted today, and I remember her nurturing that love with her gentle approach to teaching.  

And Scripture something or other - Senior year with Bob Rice.  Bob’s love for Scripture lit up the classroom!  It brought it alive for me in a new way.  Those verses I memorized ages ago still make a way into my daily prayer life.  You made a difference, Bob!

If you were a character in 'The Office' or 'Parks and Rec' which would you be?
I was so upset with each character at one time or another, that I could never possibly identify with anyone from “The Office” in good conscience.  And I’ve never watched enough “Parks and Rec” to answer.  Sorry to all the die-hard fans.  I like NCIS.  So sue me.

What is your favorite holiday and why? 
Christmas, Christmas, Christmas.  Forget Santa.  We haven’t even put a big focus on him in our household.  He’s St. Nicholas and that’s about as far as we’ve gotten.  Forget about the magic of the season.  The cookies, the stockings, the wassail, the gifts.  Those are all beautiful parts of what make it Christmas to us.  But every year I get stuck on the Incarnation of Christ and I just sit and ponder that miracle.  I can’t get past it.  The miracle of Christmas, the miracle of that Incarnation.  Ah, be still my heart.

What childhood memory is your favorite?
All of my favorite childhood memories revolve around Lake Livingston.  I was blessed enough to have both sets of grandparents, and my parents own homes at Lake Livingston where we spent almost every weekend of our lives.  So I had the good fortune of not only having those special relationships with my grandparents, but practically all of my cousins on both sides of the family were local and everyone got along, so I grew up with all of my cousins in this magical happy place of lazy days at the lake - on the sailboat or speedboat, going off the rope swing, or jumping off the pier.  

On the Hoffman side - movie nights, board games, boating, sailing, watching everyone else ski or do something behind the boat (my gift was tubing).

Joe, Lisa, and I shown with some of our cousins on the front steps of Pop and Grandma's House.  
This was all born at the time.  We still had yet to meet seven more cousins!

On the Smaistrla side - forts, bonfires, fireworks, accordions, breakfast outside, and watching joedan get away with way too much.

What's your favorite memory from your grandparents (Smaistrla) house on Lake Livingston?

4th of July.  Who else has an opportunity to have all the aunts and uncles spend way too much on fireworks?  Then the adults pulled up the lawn chairs and opened a beer for the show.  All the cousins then took turns letting the fireworks fly *and ignoring everything about the warning labels.  
The triangle table meant it all.  It was constructed by my grandfather, who never met a project he couldn’t face, with leftover pier beams and planks.  A place to lie down and look up at the sky, a table for cleaning fish, and a table for all the food you could imagine that would make a summer day perfect - so much queso and chips.  I have the most beautiful memories of running and jumping in the water in our diaper savers, getting out and snacking, and repeating the process that resulted in a great tan and a great nights sleep.  Meanwhile, Shannon and Corrie were busy oiling themselves up and laying out, and yet, I’m the one with cancer.  Lamesauce.  In the photo you can see the triangle table standing up - had to mow below it.

 
Here's some of the family in the kitchen, with some other random 
people thrown in the photo.  I'm being held by my mom.  How funny to 
think how we rarely ate inside.  The countertops were filled with food for us
to fill our plates with and then head out to the deck to eat.

If you could take the childhood version of David back in time to re-live a day of your childhood with you what day would it be? What would the day look like?
It would be at the lakehouses.  I’m telling you - these memories are so fond.  He would be my best friend.  We’d eat a yummy breakfast at my parents lakehouse.  Go sailing with my grandparents (Hoffman side) and a couple of uncles and play with all of my cousins..  Then head to the other lake house (Smaistrla side).  We’d go swimming and I’d teach him to like deviled eggs.  If we had two days, the next day we’d go exploring behind my parents lakehouse with my brother and sister.  We’d collect bamboo and make flutes and fishing poles out of it.  If we had time, he’d go fishing in the Marina with my brother.

What is your favorite thing to do when you hang out with David after the kids go to bed? Talk, watch a movie, play a game, try to figure out how he landed you?
Watch TV.  Boring.  I know.  But it’s there and it beats doing anything that requires using your brain.  I crochet.  There's usually dessert involved.  Sometimes David goes out to the shop to go create something magical with a piece of wood.  We get ready for bed together every night and say prayers and go to sleep together.

What is something special that you love about each of your kids.
John - His natural obedience (What parent doesn’t love natural obedience?)
Lily - Watching her play in her own little creative world.  
Thomas - His sensitive and loving nature.  His warm sweet giving heart.

Andrew - Watching his quiet determination at work.  When he wants something he wants it and has this quiet resolution about himself till he gets it.  


Ok - I'll stop there now.  Until next time, friends!



Saturday, February 11, 2017

World Day of the Sick

Today is the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes. Today is the 25th Anniversary of the World Day of the Sick started by Saint John Paul II. He stated in his 1992 letter that the day is "A special time reminding everyone to see in his sick brother or sister the face of Christ, who, by suffering, dying, and rising, achieved the salvation of mankind."
I read that in this month's Editorial from the Magnificat.
Also, one year ago, I received my initial cancer diagnosis. When I look back on the past year, I can think of all the physical pain I experienced (plenty), the trauma, the stress, the strain, and be really depressed. Or I can think of the thousands of ways God has poured himself into my life through not only extraordinary graces, but through you.
Each of you who brought me a meal, contributed to our family financially, visited with me, and prayed with me made every day of this year worth living!
I humbly encourage each of you to reach out to our sick in some way today, and show them the love you have each shown to me. Thank you.
Happy anniversary! As the healing waters of Lourdes continue to flow, may the healing graces of God flow through you today.
- Kate

Thursday, February 9, 2017

The next post will be just for fun. Read on.

Round 2 out of who knows how many in the bag.  Check!  It was a hard round.  I started a third drug in addition to the other two.  I was knocked out pretty hard with nausea and exhaustion.  Luckily, all the food I did manage to eat did stay down due to wonderful drugs that help counter those side-effects. 

I am just now coming out of the fog.  Appetite is returning and I’m so thirsty today.  Worst side effects here are still some tiredness, mouth soreness, and chemo taste.  I’m starting to lose some hair, too.  Who knows when it will be time to shave the rest of it off?  I really liked my latest cut, to boot!

I thought it would be fun to do a lighthearted post.  How about a Question & Answer post.  Y’all write the questions and I’ll answer the ones I can get to in a few days.  So, you can comment on here this post or write on my FB wall or comment on this FB post with whatever question you can come up with.  It could be about the obvious: cancer, or what made me finally decide to marry David?  How crazy were we to have 4 kids in 5 years?  Why did we choose to take our family to a national park instead of a theme park?  What’s my favorite mothering advice?  Discipline advice (that’s a whole blog post) - but if you want it, I’ll write it.  Favorite food that I miss the most given my new diet?  What is this new diet exactly?  What is an ostomy pouch?  Doesn’t that sound like a good time?

Let us know what you can come up with.  Most creative question gets a virtual high five (It works for my kids, but they prefer the physical high-five).

Love to all!


Kate (and gang)