First an update and then some reflection. 6 months of chemo done! 12 out of 12! There was never a delay, we met the most amazing staff at MDA, and are crossing that finish line! We disconnect on Thursday. I rang the bell today at MDA and became quite emotional. What a gift to ring that bell and begin to close this chapter of my life! There’s much to process, but one thing that continually stands out in my mind is I am honored, humbled, and privileged with the task of taking you and your prayer intentions on this journey. Every day I carried this particular cross, I took your intentions and packed them on my shoulders. I asked God to bless us all in our struggles, bring healing to us, and to let us know His presence.
Some have asked me what my reaction was to a cancer diagnosis. Well, if we are being honest here, I’ve had my share of surprise pregnancies, so a surprising cancer diagnosis, while very shocking, was perhaps a little tempered by my previous surprises. I say it was tempered, because God has continually shown us the power of our trust in him. When we got pregnant with our first, we didn’t have pregnancy-covered insurance. Surprise - we got it 1/2 way through the pregnancy, and boy did we need it - John was an expensive little tyke. When we got pregnant with our fourth (surprise again!) I was shocked and concerned. 4 kids in 5 years, who does that and how do parents survive it? These many months later, we have a 21-mo-old Andrew who is a remarkable boy - happy and a delight to be around. The older kids love him and dote on him. In many ways, he is a glue for our family. If we didn’t have him, how would life be different?
God has shown us time and time again that his hand is in our lives, guiding us, guarding us. Our children are just one example of that. Even with the cancer diagnosis, I knew He was going to take care of us, no matter where it took us, even if it meant the end of my life here on earth.
I am thankful (I know I use the word a lot) for how the diagnosis came about and the events that followed. We first heard that the tumor was cancerous from our less than verbose and detached surgeon on the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes, which was also the day after Ash Wednesday. After finding out, I immediately thought it was going to be one hell of a Lent, but I knew we could count on the intercession of Our Lady and found comfort that we found out on her day.
After a hospital dismissal, and sharing the news with immediate family and some dear prayer warriors, we realized I had to be readmitted. We chose the MD Anderson Emergency Room at the encouragement of a man who was only known by my sister-in-law, but would become my oncologist (unbenknowst to us, he was a saving grace to us during this entire process). Late that night in the ER, I had my first CT scan. And were soon told after that they could not find any cancer in my body. The first time I happened to see the images of that scan was a month ago. At our appointment with our oncologist, David said, “Those are supposed to be small intestines?”
The silver lining is, if I hadn’t had the bowel blockage as a result of the first surgery, I would have had to wait to get into MDA, wait for a scan, and would have been toiling in anxiety. But God granted us comfort that night, less than 24 hours after the diagnosis, with the knowledge that the scans showed no more cancer. This gave me the opportunity to focus on just the bowel blockage, and not worry about what came next regarding cancer. Also, unbeknownst to us at the time, I would have needed a second surgery anyway, so it was perfect that I had it when I did - that way I could recover sooner, and start chemo sooner. And in spite of my ballooned mess of intestines, I didn’t need an ostomy bag, news that surprised even the doctors.
Whenever we get pregnant and have a baby, I have this thought of the universe shifting. Let me try to put it in words for you. Something is new, someone is here, a great and powerful change has occurred; the earth made room for one more life. God allowed another soul to be part of our lives. Everything is altered and we can’t go back to the way life was before. There is a similarity with cancer. You change, life changes, and it becomes part of your history - it changes your perspective. In these great shifts of life, we can accept with joy the new realities we face when we seek God in the midst of it.
I write all of this out to remind me and tell you that hindsight is a gift - we can see God working in our lives if we let him. I have this image of me walking down a road. Before me is a country dirt road - kind of like the road to Grandma and Popems' lake house. As I’m walking, I turn around every now and again. Every time I look behind me I see a new crop of flowers pop up. I walk some more and am sometimes unsure of what path to take, but look behind again, and I see the beauty of following His will. It gives me confidence and courage to keep pressing on. It’s hard to see the fruits in our lives unless we look back on the past and see our Master Gardener and his will coming to fruition.
Onward to Heaven, brothers and sisters!
Find joy in the midst of rainy days, right Andrew?
- Kate wrote this. Not David, in spite of what it says at the bottom of this post. Kate is not tech-savvy enough to change it.
Finally, (if you didn’t see it on FB) we will be starting a novena tomorrow (8/31) to St. Peregrine that will end the day before my scan on Friday, September 9th. We would be honored if you followed along.
St. Peregrine is the Patron Saint of Cancer Patients.
St. Peregrine was known for his holiness but also for a miraculous healing that he received.
He was scheduled to have his leg amputated because of a cancerous growth. The night before the surgery, he prayed for healing, received a vision of Christ coming down from the cross to touch his leg and was completely healed.
St. Peregrine Novena Prayers
Dear holy servant of God, St. Peregrine, we pray today for healing.
Intercede for us! God healed you of cancer and others were healed by your prayers. Please pray for the physical healing of…
Kate - that the cancer is completely gone from her body never to surface again.
These intentions bring us to our knees seeking your intercession for healing.
We are humbled by our physical limitations and ailments. We are so weak and so powerless. We are completely dependent upon God. And so, we ask that you pray for us…
Day 1 – Pray for us, that we will not let sickness bring us to despair
Day 2 – Pray for us, that we may persevere in hope
Day 3 – Pray for us, that we will have the courage to offer up our suffering in unity with the Cross
Day 4 – Pray for us, that the loneliness of our suffering will be consoled
Day 5 – Pray for us, that the fear of death will be replaced with the hope of everlasting life
Day 6 – Pray for us, that our suffering will not rob us of joy
Day 7 – Pray for us, that in our pain we will not become selfish but ever more selfless
Day 8 – Pray for us, that this sickness will teach me to depend more and more on God
Day 9 – Pray for us, that our lives will glorify God alone
We know, St. Peregrine, that you are a powerful intercessor because your life was completely given to God. We know that in as much as you pray for our healing, you are praying even more for our salvation.
A life of holiness like yours is more important that a life free of suffering and disease. Pray for our healing, but pray even more that we might come as close to Our Lord as you are.
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen
