Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin’ Alive

I am dying.

Let’s just sit on that statement for a bit, shall we?

It’s much easier to type than say out loud, I’ll give you that.

We all are, right?  It’s just a wee bit more obvious for some.  There is an aggressive cancer that is threatening my life, and if gone unstopped, will continue to do so.  That sounds severe - I'm not near my death bed.   We are still praying for that miracle through the intercession of Father Antonio Margil, but because we never know our future or when God plans to call us home, we plan for both a miracle and my death.   We are thankful to have the expert doctor in the field, and a wonderful team of doctors at MD Anderson who are helping us not just with chemo, but nutrition, massage, pain management, and other things. 

We will go through a few rounds of chemo and then have a scan.  We need your prayers for the efficacy of the chemo now, so the scan will show improvement, and, if so, they will continue with this method.  The next chemo is scheduled for February 6, and will continue every other Monday.

A month ago we knew my health was bad, and are thankful we received the care we needed.  My recovery has been slow, but we are reaching a point where it’s easier to hope for a pretty good quality of life.  The first round of chemo started off with me pretty anxious.  That day, it ended with me grateful and excited.  As much as I hate the drugs, they weren’t as bad as I thought they were going to be.  I read the sheet with all the possible side effects and couldn’t help but be concerned.

As I received the 5-FU, the 46 hour drug, I spent a lot of time sleeping (still recovering from surgery as well, plus the pain medicine still had drowsiness as a side effect).  I also was reminded of a side effect that is easily forgotten.  Chemo haze, fog, cloud, you name it.  It’s a world where everything makes sense to you, of course. It is not until you come out of it, you realize that it’s different from normal, but it felt completely so at the time.  It’s hard to explain.  It’s the best to "walk out of it" - like a walking outside today.  It is a gorgeous day in Houston.

I’ve had some pretty bad days since then - partly due to figuring out what foods I can eat through trial and error.  Wrong food = 24 hours of regretting it.  For the vast majority of the time, however, I have been on the up-and-up.  Walking around the house a little better, not always relying on the walker for short trips to the kitchen, and I was able to make it to Mass this Sunday!  It’s been so great to feel better, eat better, move better.  I am thankful.

I want to go back to this death thing for a quick minute, ok?  When you are in my state, you have to start having some of the hard conversations with your spouse, you fear the worst, you hope for the best, and everything in between.  You start to hope for eternal life, and you recognize the amazing gifts on this earth surrounding you.  You have an opportunity to plan some details, talk to other friends who have lost their spouses. I will add that one of my very specific prayer requests is to be protected from unnecessary anxiety and fear, and I have been.  That being said, emotions are naturally all over the place.  You hug your kids a little closer, smell their hair, recognize their gifts, and still yell at the oldest for making obnoxious sounds and the third child for messing with his little brother.  You make plans for the future, but still wonder what the future means.

I love and remember what life was like before, but obviously can’t go back to that, and I’m still far from death.  It’s it’s own little world.  I call it the space between (Everyone in my generation start singing a song just now?).  

As I write this, there’s a young lady who is in hospice preparing for her death.  Come to find out that around the time I was typing this, she passed (please pray for the repose of her soul).  She was 21 years old, had an atypical acute brain aneurysm, and collapsed. She had a critical surgery, and things looked optimistic.  She was communicating yes and no with her fingers, she could have breathed on her own at that point, but they kept her intubated for other reasons.  Things went down hill after that, up hill again, and up and down a few more times.  Right before things turned for the worse, doctors were optimistic and were even going to remove her ventilator.  What a roller coaster of emotions for her family.  After talking with the doctors, learning everything they needed to know, and to others who had undergone a similar experience of loss, her parents made the heartbreaking decision to remove her from life support.  She was under hospice care for two days before she passed.  A close friend of hers shared with me that her immediate family sat around her yesterday.  Her two sisters sang “Lord I need You” to her, and when she opened her eyes, her Mother would whisper sweet words of encouragement telling her to go and be with Jesus.  As they were praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, she passed.  

How do we prepare for death?  This dear young woman had less time than me, but more than plenty.  Her family said they experienced small miracles with every good turn that she took.  I hope it helped them prepare for it and give them all closure.  We all know death can come suddenly, or achingly slow, but, as it turns out, we can’t avoid it.  I can’t offer advice, but some things come to mind.  Any Catholic will tell you the best way to attain a life of holiness is to frequent the Sacraments when you can.  

The other two things are:

1. Love well and,

2. Trust in the Mercy of God

It is so simple, my friends.  Why do we complicate things?  Also, I love that Catholics have a patron saint for everything, even a happy death.  It’s St. Joseph and there is a Novena available to him for such a prayer request.

I will end with these two thoughts.  We will have either an unexpected or anticipated death.  God knows which and that’s enough.  What matters is not hoping for a time to prepare for death, though it does have its perks, what matters is how we live now, today.  Love well, my friends.

Lily and I have been passing her prayer bear back and forth as we pray for each other.  

Sometimes she let's me have it at night.  Here's her sweet bear and Father Antionio's relic.  

Finalamente, some of you have asked about the kids what they know.  They do not know everything (in what world is that a good idea?).  They know just enough to know that Mommy is sick and we need to pray for her recovery.  We have a dear friend who is a child-life specialist who is walking with us on this journey.  I am so grateful that in your prayers for me, you also remember our children.

Quick Update and Mawwiage

Quick status report, then Katie wrote the rest.  Kate was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday Jan 4 and is resting at home.  I mentioned in an earlier post that the surgery on Dec 30 made her able to eat and process food again.  More specifically, they gave her an ileostomy.  Basically, she has a large tumor that’s obstructing her small intestines near where they meet her colon / large intestines.  Removing the tumor isn’t an option, so they essentially butterfly her small intestines open and pull them through a hole they cut in her right abdomen.  Food goes through her stomach, is digested through about 160 cm of small intestines, then exits out of her right abdomen into a removable plastic pouch.  As you may imagine, we’re still working through finding food that is both appetizing and will work with her new plumbing.  It’s a process, but she seems to be progressing as well as the doctors would like.  The ileostomy is completely reversible if the tumors shrink to the point that they’re not threatening to create new obstructions, but the truth is that we’re a long way from that.  It’s going to be a long road back to health, and chemo will likely make it even more difficult, but it’s our best shot at shrinking the tumors.  

Thank you all so much for your support - financial, prayers, Masses said, offers of relics, and more.  We are so so grateful.  God bless you.

Ok, here’s Kate:

Home again, home again, jiggity jig.  I forget that some of my blog readers are not connected to me on Facebook.  Sorry, we’re not more diligent on updates on here.

On Wednesday, they let me out.  I knew home would be better, but I had no idea how much better.  In the hospital, I had zero appetite, but slept pretty good, and had some really great nurses.  Home, such sweet relief.  I’ve been eating better day by day.  I mosey around the house with a walker, have a special chair in the den with a tray next to it, and go from chair to bed, to bathroom, etc.  The children have been great!  We told them all about mommy’s new scar and attachments (nephrostomy, osmtomy).  And they got used to them really quickly.  I love how they come up with new questions every day.  I love seeing their little brains process. They each have special jobs that they take pretty seriously.  It’s endearing.  

I have a few more days of rest before we start chemo.  I see the surgeon and the oncologist on Thursday and we’ll set a start date, which at the moment, this Thursday.  They took a biopsy during the last surgery (it was growing on my belly button, which I no longer have), and are testing it for biomarkers to make sure we have the best plan of action set forth.  It will likely be chemo with a couple of other drugs.

Chemo fills me with anxiety.  I need your prayers in that regard.  Pray for a special protection from God.

Update on what we’ve learned about the cancer.  1 We know it’s rare.  2 We know that the tumors it produces are poorly defined, meaning that surgical removal is virtually impossible, and 3. We know it’s quickly growing.

When we had the scan in September, there was a very small tumor that they missed.  I’m not a radiologist, so I don’t know how they read the scans.  Today I have multiple tumors in my abdomen.  There’s one fairly large that I’ve named Medusa.  Medusa has caused me nerve damage along my abdomen and down my right leg.  It has also taken lots of intestines and brought it to itself.  It’s a beast and I hate it.  When they were in my abdomen during surgery, they said the good news is all of the tumors that can and will threaten my surviving bowel are all pea sized or smaller, so if chemo works, that will be a really good step.

_________________________

Now onto a reflection of mine:

Marriage.  When you are married, you can and will never stop evaluating your marriage. It’s constantly evolving and changing.  David and I are pretty good about being on top of what our goals are, and if we are meeting them.  We would get together in January and instead of resolutions, we would look at our marriage, the kids, the house, our finances, etc.  We would make reasonable goals and then plan how to meet them.  

As good as this is, it still doesn’t take us deep enough in our marriage.  To do that, we go back to our vows.  The Catholic Church in her wisdom doesn’t let you write your own vows.  There is no: I promise to never sleep until the argument is resolved (thank God, because if I’m tired, there’s no hope).  Or, I will always love you enough to get your flowers and KitKats.  The Church gives you a simple set of words that cover everything.  

When David and I were at our rehearsal, our beloved priest, Fr. Michael (it was his first wedding, we were all excited) did two things: he encouraged us to memorize the vows, and he had us say them to each other the night of the rehearsal.  David went first: I, David, take you Katherine, as my wife.  I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.  I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.  Flawless performance.  Then it was my turn.  I, Katherine, take you, David, as my husband…tear….I promise to be….tear…etc.  

I thank the wisdom of Fr. Michael to have us do that the night before.  On the day of our wedding we were able to tell each other clearly what we were intending.

Of course we didn’t know what we were getting into.  Nobody does, that’s why there’s grace and the Sacraments.  

As time has gone by and we’ve continued to develop our marriage and help it grow in a healthy and holy way, we’ve reflected on various aspects of what is involved in a marriage.  As I went through my first bout with cancer, it occurred to me that I had made a false assumption about our vows.  I assumed that the good times were only associated with the healthy times.  It never occurred to me that the good times and the sick times could work together simultaneously.  

Now as I begin my second journey, this is proven to me once again.  Certainly we are stressed as anyone would be in a situation like this.  And our parents and all of you who have helped with everything help reduce that stress significantly (I’ll never stop being filled with gratitude for all you have done).  As David has been at my bedside, He has taken care of me and nursed me, changed my bandages, prayed with and for me, I encounter the good.  I wish I could put it clearly into words.  We cry (oh, Lord we cry), we laugh, we look at stupid facebook memes, we pray desperately, and we pray with calm hearts trusting in God.  Of course, we argue still.  But, thankfully, we take each day and see the good in all of this, and in each other.  

As it turns out marriage is hard, but the sacrifice is worth it every day.  As I look into the eyes of my beloved I see his love reaching out to me, I see him giving me strength, providing me with hope, and holding me closely.  I see the good in this time of sickness.

My prayer is for all of you in marriages, that you can find the good in everything, because it’s there.

Out of Surgery

Katie is out of surgery and recovering well.  The doctors were able to treat the blockage and she should be eating again in a few days.  We're very excited to see her get her nutrition back on the right track and move on to the next phase of treatment.

Please continue to keep Katie in your prayers.  We love you, and may God abundantly bless you.

David

In our Fathers house there are many many…nothings?

Katie has just gone in for surgery to repair her bowel block.  This should be a relatively minor surgery and will enable her to eat food and start getting her nutrition back.  Please pray for the wisdom and skill of her surgeons and surgical team.   

She wrote this last night and wanted me to share it with you while she is in surgery.  

From Kate:

There is a lot that has gone “wrong” on this road.  I won't go into details, but the fact of the matter is, I have a very aggressive cancer and at this point in the juncture we don’t know what treatment options look like (for a lot of reasons that I won’t bore you with on here, but some really cool science stuff).

As David and I were talking tonight, I was telling him about something that came to mind in prayer - that I am nothing.

Katie, whachoo talkin?  Those IV drugs doing strange things to your brain. Lemmee asplain.  

In the past I have read works from the saints where they mention that they are “nothing,” “dirt,” as Fr. Margil said “la misma nada.”  If I weren’t in the hospital tonight, I would be searching through all of my saint books at home to come up with accurate quotes, but believe me, it’s a thing.  I never understood where they were coming from. I always though 'Wow - that’s humility taken too far.'  God made you.  You aren’t “nothing.”  You are His greatest creation.  Get off of the ground, you great creation, you.  

I am now beginning to understand it.  In this life, all that matters is what brings God glory.  Read that again.  That’s it sisters and brothers.

For members of a religious order, your rule is very clearly spelled out, and living by that rule is for the purpose of glorifying God.  As a member of the religious, you tend to have less attachments.  They include: what you eat for lunch, what your daily tasks look like, when to wake up in the morning. This lack of attachment ultimately gives you the freedom to go where God sends you.  Another town from your family, another state, across the world, in a war-torn country, or to your martyrdom. 

As a member of a religious order how much more can you live that motto out - that everything is for the greater glory of God - Ad Majorem dei Gloriam - the motto of St. Ignatius of Loyola and his Jesuits.  We would naturally conclude that it is easier to live that when you do not have the attachments of a spouse, family, home, etc.  Consequently, how much easier is it to know you are nothing, but God’s instrument.

But what about me?  Wife.  Mother of 4 under the age of 6.  How do I live this motto of everything being for the Glory of God?  

Do I do it like all of those grandiose Saints of the Church - that was pretty grand stuff for your glory, God.  Like Saint Catherine of Siena who, at the age of 29, told the Pope to bring the papacy back to Rome.  All you have to do is read about one quarter of John Paul the Great’s life to see all the grand things he accomplished in his life for the Glory of God.  Saint Helen, Saint Maria Gorretti, Saint Paul, Saint Kateri (read her story if you don’t know it already), and the man we are asking you all to ask the intercession of - Fr. Antonio Margil de Jesus.  I am still learning more about him and am floored by this man’s testimony.  Truly heroic lives of virtue.

So, then there’s us, little people walking on our paths. Ok let’s see here, we made 4 PB&J’s which at least one of our kids will take one bite of and throw it on the ground.  In my house, at this point, his only choice is nap or a dirty pb&j (because I have 4 kids - my floor ain’t clean).  Back to our days, we made them make their beds, some of us are doing homework with our kids, making a dinner that we know at least one will never like and not eat.  On a good day 50% are happy.  I could type more but you can see how this is sounding less and less like our beloved saints.

How do we do this all for the glory of God.  I’ve had over 9 years of learning to be a wife and 6 learning how to mother.  Not a lot of years in the grand scheme of things, but lots of lessons learned.  We can make it for the glory of God just because we said so and we did it with an attitude of understanding that growing a family is not in the big moments, but in these small moments and how we respond to each of the situations by offering them to God.  That is how we will grow our own little saints.  Also, in her wisdom, the Church gives moms a lot of really cool saints to admire. 

But how does this lead to being “nothing”?  I am at a point in my life where I am flirting a little closer with death (which is why we are praying for a miracle), and finally it hits me.  I am nothing.  I am a pawn put on this earth to bring Glory to God. How do I come to terms with being nothing?  Doesn’t that sound like a terrible thing to say in my line of work?  But here’s the deal, if my only goal is to glorify God, then I am truly nothing, but His.  Wholly His. 

If it is for his Glory that I live and raise my four children to love and follow God, then may it be for His Glory.  And if it is for his glory that this I meet him at His Heavenly Banquet (Lord willing), then may it be for His Glory.  

Donations

Friends -

Many have asked how they can help, and our family has mentioned that they've had many friends and family ask if we're going to reopen the YouCaring site.  I have created a new fundraiser on YouCaring with a goal of $10,000 under the title Katie Garcia - Fight On.  This should cover our medical expenses for the 2017, and anything leftover would go to our family.

Thank you in advance for your generosity.  We love you, and may God Bless you abundantly.

YouCaring - Katie Garcia - Fight On

Procedure

Quick Update

Kate mentioned in last night's post that she was having a procedure to provide some relief today.  She is out is doing well.  We're back in her room and she's resting comfortably.

The procedure was a right nephrostomy.  I'm sure you can use google, but the short of it is that they placed a tube through her back into her right kidney so that it can drain into a bag.  There is a tumor interfering with her right ureter (tube between kidney and bladder).  The ureter should appear on a CT scan as a very thin tube; Katie's right one looked like a balloon.  Her left one is fine and drains into the bladder normally.  We expect that the right one was causing some discomfort, so hopefully this procedure relieves some of her lower right back pain.

Thank you all so much for your prayers last night.  All the notes, comments, emails, and texts that you were praying are so humbling.  We know there are people all over the world praying for Katie.  We continue to pray that Venerable Fr. Antonio Margil intercedes with God to hear the prayers of His people and grant us a miraculous cure for Katie's cancer.

David

Intercession

This post is from Kate.

Tonight we are asking you to cover me in prayer at 8pm CST. Brothers and sisters, I am at a point where I am in desperate need of prayer. We cannot start chemo, which is, at this point, my first line of defense against these rapidly growing tumors, until I am at a much higher level of functionality. Being hospitalized and all, we can see that I am not ready for the rigorous demands of chemo.  How do we get me there?  Eating, walking, pain relief.  We already have one procedure scheduled for tomorrow that will begin to offer some relief.  Here's the kicker - I have developed another kink in my bowels due to the fact that one of the tumors is applying pressure on it, and I am at a point where I am not eating again.

My brothers and sisters, our God asks us to be bold in prayer. With desperation and boldness we unashamedly ask for a miracle of the complete healing of my body from cancer. Why not?  

We were introduced to Venerable Father Antonio Margil de Jesus through our friend, Elizabeth. He was one of the first Franciscan friars who came to the New World in 1863.  For over thirty years he spread the word of God and brought thousands of souls into the Light of Christ through the Sacraments.  He arrived in Texas at the age of fifty-eight.

There is a spring in Lanana Creek in Nacadoches, Texas that is attributed to him. This water has provided healing for others who have asked for his intercession consumed it. I have been consuming this water in hope of a miracle.

Here is the prayer for his intercession: 

Heavenly Father, who planted in the heart of your servant Father Antonio Margil, an intense preoccupation to save souls, grant us the grace of his intercession (For the complete healing of Katie’s body so that she is free of cancer) so that we may encounter the admirable work that you started in him, and so that we may be lifted with Christ to bring Salvation to our fellow brothers.  Amen.

Tonight, we are asking you to reach the highest point in heaven with clamoring prayer for God’s will to be done in my life, for His glory.  And we pray that His will is to heal my body of all cancer.  

We are also asking the intercession of Matt Coles and Paul Coakley - two incredible men who lost their battles to cancer.

Thank you for your prayers.  We love you, and may God bless you.