New Normal

It’s been a while since we’ve updated the vast majority of people who have been such an amazing support and group of prayer warriors.  Without further ado, here’s what our daily lives have looked like.  After I made it out of the hospital (Big yay!), we were able to find a nanny to help us around the house from mid March to mid April.  By that time I was able to lift my babies, do housework, and act like life was mostly back to normal.  Your generous donations enabled us to hire her and help our family out.

Since chemo started, life has worked itself into a new schedule.  Non chemo weeks are great - I feel mostly normal and life looks very much like it did before we knew about the cancer.  Chemo weeks are rougher.  Our moms have been amazing.  They handle the kids on the week of chemo and leave me to rest through it.  Currently I am receiving the third treatment - the dose will be finished at 3pm today.  The biggest complaints are nausea, fatigue, numbness, tingling of fingers and toes, and an inability to tolerate anything cold.  These symptoms last until Friday or Saturday and then begin to taper off.  It’s a strange time of life, but we are grateful for an excellent oncologist and staff at MDA, and for really good medical care.  

When we met with our oncologist on Tuesday, he greeted us with good news regarding more pathology results.  Without going into medical jargon that I barely understood, the results are as follows:

1.  The cancer is bad luck — not environmental, and they’re 95% certain that it’s not genetic.  From this we may also conclude that children are not likely to deal with this.

2.  The cancer was growing at 50% which is an ideal number for they type and dose of the current chemo plan.  In short, if the cancer is growing too slowly, the chemo won’t find it as easily, and if it’s growing too fast, it may not kill it fast enough.  50% is literally the best possible outcome. 

3.  I am immunopositive for CDX2 - good marker of mature colon lining.   5 year survival rates are much, much higher if a person is immunopositive.  The results of this study just came out in January!  

We left that meeting with our spirits high.  

The meals have been amazing, and they will continue to serve us the remainder of chemo.  I don’t know if I mentioned this or not, but at the beginning of the year, David and I discuss our goals for our marriage, kids, etc.  One thing that both of us felt called to was hospitality to our friends and neighbors.  Oh, the irony!   The jokes on us.  We have been so blessed by your hospitality, your concern, your care, and your prayers.  

Speaking of prayers, I am humbled and honored to be praying for you, your loved ones, and your intentions.  Since the start of chemo, I have been asked to pray for a huge variety of requests.  On chemo days, I get blood work, see the doctor and staff, then finally go to the infusion room (it is an all-day affair).  When David and I are seated in the infusion room, and we have a few minutes to ourselves, we turn our attention to your needs and prayers.  We begin by saying this prayer:

O my God, We thank you for this cross you have allowed us to carry.  Please give us the strength and faith to persevere so that we may bring glory to your name while withstanding the burden of its weight.  Thank you for offering us a share in your suffering. We know that you have always been, are now, and ever will be, at our side every step of the way.  Thank you also for every “Simon” that you have sent to help us bear this cross.  We have prayed so often that this thorn in our flesh would be removed, but we trust that your grace is sufficient.  Change our hearts troubled cry of “How long, O Lord?” into words of trust “However long, O Lord”.  May we seek only to do your will and to unite our sufferings with your passion.  Help us to not get lost in our own self concerns, but may we find in these trials a way to greater virtue, a call to prayer, and a path to trust in you alone.  Permit us not to waste our pain, but to make of these struggles a sacrificial offering for others.  Lord, when we are weary and we fall, exhausted under the weight of this cross, please give us the courage to press on as you did.  Lord Jesus, we embrace with love our cross, as a share in your own.  By your grace, may we carry it all the way to the vision of your glory.  We abandon ourselves totally to your will.  Christ Jesus, we trust in you.  Amen.

I randomly found that on a prayer card at my parents house when I was writing down many of your intentions.  After we say it, then we pray for each of you by name.  One thing that has been remarkable for me to hear is how you have shared with me when a prayer request has been “fulfilled.”  To see your joy in the midst of your own struggles has been a real light to me.  I love that I am able to offer prayers of thanksgiving to what was a prior prayer of petition - jobs acquired, healthy pregnancies,  and so much more.  Many requests have not gone as expected - death in the family, sick children, surgeries required, cancers galore.  

I wanted to share with y’all a tidbit from Fr. Mike Schmitz’s podcast from March 13th called “It’s nothing personal: Dryness and Difficulties.”  At the end of it, he discusses discouragement.  I wanted to share with you some of his words (slightly edited for readability).

Here’s what Fr. Mike had to say about our wounds.

“We also have our own wounds… But sometimes God lets you endure the discouragement [and the wounds].  He lets you live with it.  Why?  Sometimes it’s those discouragements that leads you to him more than ever.  I know this is how God got my heart.  It wasn’t through my amazing awesomeness, it wasn’t through success or achievement.  It was through my wounds.  And through my being discouraged with my own wounds that God said, I’m not going to give you healing.  I don’t want your healing, I want your heart.  God allowed me to experience certain wounds because he doesn’t want my healing, he wants my heart.  God says to St. Paul, my grace is sufficient for you.  You live with this wound because my power is made perfect in your weakness.  I want your heart more than I want your healing.”  

Full podcast HERE.

I want to end there, but wanted to say one more thing.  Thank you for journeying with us and for your continual flow of prayers.  The mystical Body of Christ is a beautiful thing to be cherished!

Love to all!

Kate and Dave