Nearing the End

I know there are some who follow the blog but not Facebook.  So you know, I posted this on FB on April 1st around 6 pm.

God, in His infinite mercy, will likely bring my sweet Katie home sometime very soon. A priest was by this morning to hear her confession, give her anointing, and pray the prayers for the dying. Please pray for her peace as she prepares to look on Him who is the deepest longing of our hearts face to face. Be assured of His goodness and of her intercession. 

I look forward to reading your comments here when I can, but please respect the family's privacy during this time. She is only seeing immediate family, and not able to respond to texts or answer calls. 

God bless you!

The past few days have been hard, and I imagine the next few will be even harder.  Kate is still with us.  Those who have experience in these things tell me that it may still be a few days yet - maybe more, but maybe not.  There's no way to know.

So many have asked how they can help, and I struggled with whether to share this or not, but I think I ought to.  Part of the struggle is that this is exactly the kind of decision I would usually discuss with Kate.  She's no longer able to talk as she once was.  I am making decisions on my own already.  Whether to send the kids to school tomorrow, when to call the priest, who to have around the home at different times, how I spend my own time.  Her voice in my heart struggled with this as well, but I think we would have come to the same conclusion if we had talked about it.  I think sharing this need is the better part of humility.  It certainly is humbling.

There's a bit of a story here, if you'll permit me.  Or if you'd rather not read a short novel - TLDR.

We loved a lot of things about this house when we bought it in July 2009, 7 months before John, our oldest, was born.  Near the top of that list were the two huge live oak trees in the front yard.  We’re at the end of a cul-de-sac, so the trees have a ton of space to spread out, and they are gorgeous.  Unfortunately, the landscaping around the trees was never quite what we wanted.  Since roughly the day we moved in, Kate has had a vision for what she wanted the front yard to be, but something else was always more important – paying off a car, saving for the future, etc.

Over the past months, when we discussed what she'd like to do or see in the time she has left, she could never think of anything.  "I've lived the life I always wanted - marrying you, raising our children, building this life together."  She's never wanted to fly in a fighter jet or go skydiving or eat exotic fruit while being fanned with palm fronds while lounging on a dais atop an elephant.  That's not her.  The desire of her heart has always been for family - me and the kids, her parents, her brother and sister, my family.  That's who she is, and she has no regrets that we have been the focus of her life.  For the record, I'd totally take the elephant thing. 

And yet, there's always been that front yard.  Those trees.  "Oh, if I were going to live, we'd redo the front yard the way I'd always dreamed." On a whim (or more accurately, I think, by the prompting of the Holy Spirit), I decided to call my mom’s landscaper on Sunday morning, Mar 19.  He said that he’d love the business, but was swamped right now.  He could come out to talk to us on Wednesday, but couldn’t start work for at least six weeks.  I knew that Kate may not be here in six weeks.  Oh well.  I tried. 

A couple hours later I got a text message from him saying that he could meet us at 5:00 pm and could start work Wednesday.  Apparently my mom had called him, and Tilo has a big heart.  Tilo came at 5:00 as promised, and Kate and I walked around the house discussing her plans.  He took notes, offered suggestions, and confirmed that he and his crew could make her dreams a reality.  He did, however, have a condition.  Before he could plant anything in the front yard, he needed the trees to be thinned to allow some light through.  

I met Grant Crowell back in college, when I was a young praise-and-worship guitarist, and he was a slightly older praise-and-worship guitarist whom I admired for his magnetic personality and that incredible quick double-strum that I never really mastered.  A number of years ago Grant started The Urban Foresters, and has made quite a name for the business.  I'm no industry expert, but I understand from others who don't know him and are in the industry that his crews are the best in the business.  I called Grant Sunday night, knowing that his crews were probably swamped with big corporate contracts and getting everyone's trees ready for spring.  "We'll be there tomorrow morning, David.  It's the least we can do."  If you need tree work, call Grant.  They're amazing at what they do, and he is a good good man.  Some day I'll master that double-strum.  

Suddenly Kate had a big job ahead, and she dove into it.  Designing the layout, selecting plants, choosing locations, materials, and more.  Her strength may have been waning, but her spirit was still strong.  With a  lot of help from Tilo and our neighbor’s friend who also works with plants, we had a rough design complete by Wednesday morning when Tilo and his crew arrived.  With his guidance and vision, along with a lot of work from his crew, the front yard has been completely transformed.  

We’ve also had a fencing crew here at the same time erecting a new cedar fence to make it safer for the kids to play in the cul-de-sac without risk of them running into the major thoroughfare just on the other side of the fence.  The fence includes thick concrete-filled metal posts to protect the kids if a wayward car were to ever attempt to break through.  Our sprinkler system has been refurbished, and my brother-in-law Michael and I spent some time adding electrical to the front yard to support Christmas lights and new landscaping lighting, which I installed with the help of some friends.  The back yard and both sides of the house have been completely transformed as well.  

In short, what was once a source of frustration and disappointment for Kate is now a true joy. Throughout the project, she would come out a couple times a day to see the progress as the men are working, to provide input on plant placement, and to enjoy the new world of our front yard.  The space that our kids would previously avoid at all costs is now the space where they can’t wait to run around and explore, and that is something that is truly priceless.

There's something about a well done garden that speaks to the deepest part of our souls - that part of us that God inspired the writers of Genesis to capture by making our unspoiled natural home a garden.  Something about our very nature as humans was made to garden, or at the very least to appreciate a garden.  I'm not sure I understood that before this project.  This garden is among Kate's final gifts to me and the kids, and we will enjoy it for many many years to come.  

And that brings me to our need, and my own seemingly constant need to be humbled.  

You have already been more generous than I could have ever imagined.  I had intended to use your generosity to cover funeral and burial expenses, and they would have done that very nicely.  But if you've ever done a landscaping project, a fencing project, and sprinkler renovations like I've just described, you won't be surprised to learn that they've used up the vast majority of those funds.  

Please don't misunderstand me - we have life insurance, and I knew when we started these projects that if nothing else, there's a very simply way for me to take a loan on one of Kate's policies to cover any of these expenses, and with the proximity of her passing, the interest would be negligible.  There was no financial risk in moving forward with the landscaping even with the looming funeral and burial expenses.  Or at least if there was any, it was well worth it for Kate to be able to see her dream realized.  And yet, if I listen to Kate's voice in my head, I know that she wouldn't want me to take out a loan on the policy, or at the least it would make her squeamish.  Side note - I don't think I've ever typed the word 'squeamish' before.  It looks funny now that I see it.  But I digress.  

Many have asked how they can help over these past months.  And so, without expectation, and I hope in humility, I make known to you a need for help covering funeral and burial expenses, which should total $25-$30k.  I've started a new YouCaring if you feel called to help.  

I cannot express how grateful we are to every person who has already donated to us.  We pray for each of you constantly.  Thank you so much. If you choose to donate to this funeral and burial expenses fund, I pray that God returns your generosity a hundred-fold as only He knows how.  Regardless of whether or how much you donate, please know that you are in our prayers, and that Katie will be praying for you when she reaches her eternal reward.  

I'll end with the blessing we pray over each of our kids at bedtime, and that we've been praying over Kate as she nears the end of her race.  I've heard many translations - this is the one we use. 

God bless and keep you.

God's face shine on you.

God be kind to you and bring you His peace.

And may God bless you Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 

Amen